In the not so distant past a candid conversation over drinks with a few strong, independent women ensued. The flowing conversation took its cues from the drinks and inevitably the most discussed yet least understood topic came to the fore. You guessed it love – the eternal bliss for mere mortals.
An announcement from another woman about getting married garnered the usual “awwws” congrats..you ladies know what I am talking about.
Following the celebratory toast, the conversation about the white wedding dress, the engagement ring and the whole nine yards got me thinking. I blurted out a feather ruffling question. Would the guy marry you if you were in your pajamas?
As you would expect the unconscious yet deeply instinctive covert conversational tools that are all so womanly subtly yet effortlessly turned it over to me. My resounding yes, caused many a dainty finger pointed at my lack of understanding of what women want. As if I needed any reminders!
I quietly gathered that these wonderfully intelligent women had understood that my simple question did not focus on the pajamas but the underlying dichotomy of the paradoxical love concepts segregating the male and female species.
Talk to any woman and she will equate love from a man to be all forgiving, all stable, all consistent and all devoted obviously with the freedom to do as she pleases. In short a strong man who she can submit to. But how does she know that the man is strong? Obviously, it isnt just a case of direct questioning. It is a case of walking your talk and doing it consistently. Tough ask but hey, she is giving up control. You think it will be easy?
Ask what she gives him and the answers vary from a laundry list of adjectives to a simple “he gets me”. Ask a man what love is to him and it would simply be a woman that respects him for who he is in return for which he will give all that is him.
I went to the Bible for guidance on love between a man and a woman and found an interesting verse that commanded a man to love a woman like himself and a woman to respect a man.
The obvious question was what is a man to expect? And who does what when? Do I love her first and then she respects me or does she respect me and I love her? Or is it a simultaneous process. The idealist in me said its natural like all the fairy tales. I see some raised eyebrows and blank stares.
But the more important thing to note is that women and men love differently. Have you ever noticed that if a man cheats he is labelled a pig and if a woman cheats he doesnt love her. Ask a man what he does and he will say everything to keep her happy – like he should I hear. So he does his part yet doesnt get respect. Tough as it sounds thats just how it is. Life is unfair and that extends to love.
Yet the very essence of love is yielding control or at least that’s what they tell you. Societial norms and expectations inhibit the baring of souls even when cohabiting. But would the baring of your soul get respect? Clearly weakness for a man is shunned by society yet the damsel in distress card is played conveniently by many a woman, particularly the one with the loudest voice for gender equality.
Love in its various forms is the stuff of dreams, the essence that makes us humans. Yet it is the most widely abused concept. Many a man and woman have fallen in love and the deeper they fell the harder it hurt. I read something interesting about love “If it dont hurt it aint real”. But does it have to be that way I ask. Or is it just a utopian ideal formed in our impressionable minds at a young age that we continue to carry through well into our adult lives.
From what I have gathered so far, love in its various forms is about giving and more importantly, absent from expectations for anything in return. Its about risking it all, taking that leap of faith on the likes of normal individuals. Fully aware that it could land you face first into a brick wall. Yet how many of us actually take the plunge wholehearteadly? How many bare our souls? Age and cynicism are directly propotional and our past does not help us in yeilding to love. We tend to focus more on what we do not want than what we do want.
So guys take the plunge and when she tests your will. Smile inwardly and know if she didnt think you worthy she wouldnt be so bratty. And ladies try being a bit more respectful that’s all a man wants.