Why would a man cheat? Why would he get up and leave and why would a wife not be able to keep a man happy? Is it a phase every marriage goes through? Is it the woman or the man or both? Is it the fact that contentment breeds resentment and a woman cannot love a man because the man relaxes or indeed the woman relaxes?
The myraid of questions coupled with soul searching led me to observing how loyalty is percived by men and women. Most women particularly those after the age of 35 know the one thing they could use to ensnare men is rapidly declining – “their charms”. Instead of embracing this many resort to covert manipulation……men those gasps you hear…its just the women thinking “how does he know?” Manipulation comes in the form of honesty. How many women have asked us to be honest to them including our mothers and then there is always a form of lie sometimes camoflagued as “I did not want to bother you with these trivial matters”. How many realised that working late is far better than going out with friends?
We have all grown up with emotional blackmail in one form or the other from the women in our family to friends to colleagues. Its just how we are conditioned. Our social conditioning has led to good behaviour reward – it starts at home with the mother conditioning us men that her being happy is reward for good behaviour when she isnt she doesnt talk to us, all the other women we encounter in our lives including our wives do the same thing reward us for our good behaviour otherwise known as chivalry.
How is marriage viewed by men and women? My observation which is limited I must admit leads me to state that marriage is difficult largely due to how men and women view love. Let me put it this way. Are you concerned about the feelings of the cow whose carcass produces the steak you enjoy? Nope. Men when you realise that your role is to provide absent from emotions expectations will be more pragmatic.
We are selfish both men and women. Men need women to further their race. Women need men to take care of them. Its a simple equation that once understood helps to keep things in perspective.
But why manipulate when direct statements can help?
To answer this question we have to go back into the inherent conversational tools women use. Subtly is the key word here. The term security would also be relevant. How many times have we heard that a woman is insecure? Lets understand security from the perspective of a business transaction. If we go to a bank for a loan the bank asks for some sort of security possibly an asset. What does that mean? It means that the bank is trying to minimise its losses from lending. In other words controlling the outcome of a lending transaction.
Many of us have heard our elders say marriage is a compromise because it is. Marriage gives a woman security which means that she knows that the guy is not going anywhere. Which means she can relax into her natural state. The facade of love disappears and the inate cold heartedness comes out. Thats what confuses most men, the fact that the sweet girl they married is now the woman that eats at their peace and well being. My observations are that this is just the way it is -a price to pay for furthering your race.
So what makes men cheat? Is it the longing for companionship or the sweetness that they once saw in their wives or plain simple compliments. It could be either or all of those things. I suppose thats why the religions particularly the Bible asks women to respect their husbands. It is the kind of self control that women are called to exercise because I suppose its against their nature.
And whilst this post might be termed minsogynst by some it is not that. I would like to think its about the clarity of thought that comes from knowing that life is unfair and the only way women could ensure survival was through controlling the men that they produced offspring for. Its about survival and when it comes to that anything goes. Hence the oldest profession and the sweet-to-nasty transformation.